This will be a quick one, but an update none the less, so I'm proud of myself. But, this being said, it's going to feel a little disconnected. Forgive me.

I'm doing it. I'm ordering my curriculum today. I'm so excited about this and after talking with the lady over the phone, who was oh so informative, I feel really supported.

I'm loving my little girl. She's the most content baby I've ever met. Seriously never cries. I know she's only 2 and a half weeks, and things can change, but she's just so snuggly and happy that this is all I'm going to remember.

Nik has some health issues that we're checking into and I'm having trouble trusting the Lord and His sovereignty. You could pray for all of us if you think of it.

Chip, Carson and Finn are doing great. Chip doesn't sleep. At all. And he doesn't eat. At all. I'm wondering how long he can keep up his stubbornness before getting wiped out. Needless to say, he's been a little bit of a tyrant lately.

Well, that's about it for now. Maybe one of these days I'll update our reno blog....funny stuff, I"ll tell ya.

It's been a while

Well, I have no where else to post this, so I might as well do it here.
The story of Amelia's birth....as told to me by Nik via blackberry note pad (he took notes, he will be in bold and I'll add in my thoughts in unbold beside)

Admitted 7:45 am put on monitor until midwife can consult with OB who's on call and get the 'go ahead' for an induction. I had a full hour to think of all the reasons not to go ahead with an induction so by the time she came back I was pretty sure I would chicken out. She dove in checked the ol' cervix (3-4 CM) and said, let's go...to which I said, ummmm NO. And we had a little chat. I said I really wasn't sure if I could go through with this and she laughed at me. And then she realized I was serious. So, we talked about waiting, but things were favourable for going ahead and waiting was not the better option. Then she suggested that we take a walk. So we did (but not before she did a good stretch and sweep. She did such a good job in fact, that she felt the cervix change from 4 to 5 CM...she's THAT good).

So we walked to the coffee shop and Nik got some coffee. We got back to the room and the OB came in to see where we were at with the induction (apparently to talk me into oxtyocin after having my water broken) but she came in to see that we hadn't even started yet. So she said to me that I had to make a decision because they had been very busy lately and would need the bed. So, I decided to go ahead with it considering all the factors involved and it was what my gut had been telling me to do...more on that later

9:55 am Water broke by Midwife this part was actually quite nice because she let me take some NO2 while she did it to calm myself down.
baby good first cramp 2 mins later
10:10 am going for a walk- contractions pick up a bit "feels just like with Chip" in hindsight these were pretty mild, I would call them cramps, but I knew they were the beginning of 'the real thing' because that's just what happens. I was pretty excited that things seemed to be going at a slower pace and that I could ease myself into hard labour rather than it going from nothing to transition.
10:14 contractions about 4-5 minutes apart
10:20 Dana finds the NO2 and convinces Nik to take a couple huffs - no effect this is what happens to a labouring couple who are left unattended.
10:35 baby Heart Rate 145 and D's BP 137/87 during a contraction - all good
10:50 took a walk, got a banana muffin, Dana took one bite, didn't want any more it was really dry
10:55 back in birthing room 7 (same room that Finn was born in)

11:37 difficulty talking through contraction - N applying pressure on lower back I was surprised that I was having back labour. Even though we knew the babe was posterior. I could still feel contractions in the front so it must have been a bit of both??
11:10 in room tough contraction, Dana doing well, no drugs this was probably the first contraction that felt like it was starting to get hard,
11:25 switched to sitting on birthing ball at bedside Amy wanted to monitor the baby through another contraction and that's when things started going crazy. I had a really hard contraction and Millie's heart rate dipped to below 100, I said, 'that's not good" and Amy confirmed that it wasn't that good. But, it went back up to normal, then she listened to two more contractions and the rate went to 60 and then back up.
11:37 - strong and long contraction Amy started running around acting a little frenzied and I started to get pretty worried. We went from a calm and relaxing environment where I felt like I was in total control to crazy people running around looking for IV's. She told me that we were going to need to monitor baby so I had to get on the bed. I laid on my side and basically stayed there the rest of the time. I was super uncomfortable and hated lying down but I was pretty scared by the looks on everyone's faces and the numbers on the screen that kept dipping so low. My midwife tried to start the IV (which she told me to today was a precaution in case they needed to do an emergency section) but after three tries she grabbed another nurse. This nurse also tried three times and finally my midwife told her that I'd be having the baby before they found a vein so the other nurse left. My midwife checked me and told me my cervix was completely gone, but...."oh wait, it's twisted somehow around the baby's head, so you're probably around 7 CM....oh, it's hard to say" So, in my head I went from fully dilated to 7...yes, that would be backwards. Anyways, this was a little before the other nurse went to town on my arm, so by the time she was finished, I guess I had dilated because I started pushing as soon as she left the room.
My midwife kept putting her hand in crevices and what not which really hurt so I kind of got mad, and then she got mad back and said she was trying to help the baby...which scared me, and really it was just scary scary. I guess Milly girl was twisted all up and not coming down properly so she was low enough to put pressure but twisted and I couldn't push her out and that coupled with the low heart rate made things stressful for the MW. I pushed about 4 times and wasn't getting anywhere, but then....THEN the craziest thing happened....my baby girl flipped over (Nik saw her head completely twist) I thought I had pushed her out because it physically felt like my lower parts had been ripped in two and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Except then another contraction came and I felt the most intense urge to push...so I did and out came her head, then on the next contraction out came the rest...she was here! We had a baby girl.

Nik's notes ended with these three points
12:30 ish - uhhhhhhh
12:50 - Baby GIRL!!!!!!!!
12:55 - placenta (cuz u wanted to know)

I hate that I didn't get to enjoy this labor and writing this all out has been extremely hard for some reason. I'm sure some of you will understand. This was probably the worst labor experience for me. I don't think it was the pain that made it so bad, it was the fear and uncontrollable-ness of the situation. I'm so thankful that we were in the hospital and we weren't at home because Amy would have taken us to the hospital anyways and I can only imagine how much worse it would have been to transfer from home to hospital without knowing what was going on. I think Jesus was holding all of us and got us through what seemed like the scariest moments of my life. I'm so thankful that my Amelia is here and is completely healthy and completely perfect.

Homeschooling.

If you are anything like me, you have a few preconceived ideas of what that word means. Up until about 6 months ago, it held very different connotations to me than what it does today. There's a certain stigma surrounding those 'homeschooled people'. Growing up, I always felt a little sorry for kids who didn't get to come to school (even though I begged my mom all through grade 6 to homeschool me. She said no, because we'd clash).

I think my husband and I have come to a decision to give homeschooling a try. I feel very convicted about it, at least in the early years. I would love to say that I will be doing it for the rest of my childrens' school-aged years, but I've learned that I am only capable of following through gracefully if I take things inch by inch.

I wanted to share some of our convictions and also some of our concerns. One thing that has become very apparent to us in the last four years is that life is short, and these boys are growing up so fast. Family and family time means a lot to us and from what I've heard and read, school takes a lot of the 'time' out of family. I also think that the first few years of school lean towards a feminine approach to schooling. Which is fine, but each of my kids learn completely differently and I could see them both thriving and deflating in a structured classroom setting.
We have also come to realize that Christian education is really important to us. Our kids are impressionable. Fact. I could get into all the different types of curriculum that I struggle with in the Public/Catholic system, but I think it's sufficient to say that biblically-based teaching is where we want to start our kids off. If we can build their foundation biblically, then hopefully, in the later years they will be able to make wise decision with discernment.

I do, however, have some reservations. My biggest one being that I don't think I can do it. My patience often leaves a lot to be desired and I have a hard time being disciplined and sticking to a schedule. Now, I know that one of the best parts of homeschooling is that you're not tied down to a schedule, but one of the funny things about me is that I need consistency in the things that I need to get done, or they won't get done at all. Also, there's the whole social aspect of homeschooling (a pretty huge discussion on its own).

I am also having a really hard time finding a curriculum. I know that I want it to be a little more structured and follow the Ontario curriculum a little more closely than most of the ones that I've been finding. (Like I said, I need structure) But, I also want it to be a Bible based curriculum. Any thoughts/ideas/resources???

I'm halfway there! Pretty crazy how fast the time has flown by. Tomorrow you will no longer see a '2' starting off the weeks to your right. Um, nothing else really new. Other than I went to LA but if you'd like to see more about that you can read www.fioritofoto.wordpress.com

I should maybe make this blog have some substance....maybe another day

I'm leaving tomorrow on a plane. I won't go into all the details of 'why' I'm scared. I think it would bore you. But, I'm frightened beyond words to step on a plane. Please pray, if you remember, tomorrow morning at 7 am (MN time, 8 am TBay time, 5 am BC time, and 6 am Calgary time). Pray for the peace that PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, pray for freedom from this prison of fear, pray for my heart...thank you.

Because Nik said he wants an update...

Have you ever asked yourself why people do the things that they do? Someone might do something that you can't even fathom as rational or remotely sane and I often find myself trying to go through all the things that could have possibly gone through their heads to try and rationalize what they've done/said. Well, this morning at 7:30 our doorbell rang. I had one of those moments as I heard my husband talking with our neighbour. We're not usually awake at 7:30, up until a few weeks ago, all of our kids slept until about 8:30/9:00. So, I was wondering why someone would think that it would be ok to ring our doorbell at such an early time. We're also painting the outside of our house and so I convinced myself that neghbo-roo was coming over to yell at us for our colour choice. And, as I was laying in bed I had conjured up a little argument if you will, about how I had chosen these colours to compliment the neighborhood and how we were going to dress it up with adding some plants and stuff and stuff and stuff...it went on and on. But then I heard Nik say to the boys, "look at our car" (calmly and I might even say a little excitedly as he thought this was quite a treat for them to see).

It was then that my mind babble stopped. I had hoped that someone ran into our unsellable gas guzzler and we'd have a write off on our hands. But then I vaguely started to remember my dream of a car alarm going off. I remember thinking, "that's our car" but not being able to wake up....anyways, long story short, someone smashed into our car. Talk about feeling safe where you live. When I went out to look at the damage I was immediately thrust back into one of those 'what were they thinking' mental situations. I've deduced that the perpetrator was probably drunk or high because they didn't take the cash that was on the dash, or the gps or the satellite radio receiver.

The po-po man thought it was kind of funny.


and here's a few pictures because I learned how to resize the files from 10 MB to a normal size...thank you Steve.

all about {baby}

So for those of you who took the hint in the last post (so subtle, wouldn't you say?) we're expecting again! This was an interesting turn of events from where we thought we'd be about now because we thought that our road was leading us to adopt our next baby. We were in the midst of an 11 week course getting prepared for adopting and had filled in all of our papers. For some reason we felt God kind of shut that door for now and open another. I've always known that I wanted a big family and it appears that we're well on our way to just that.

Here's the lo-down: I'm 12 weeks today.
Due October 21st, so that means October 31st (I will let them induce at 10 days this time...no more crazy 14!)
We're not finding out the sex, don't even ask...haha inside joke for some
I've gained 2 pounds, which is a plus for me, I'm usually down about 10 by now
I was super sick and then was introduced to diclectin which has made all the difference in the world. Other than falling asleep at random times and places.

That's pretty much all the info I know right now, I have another appointment with the midwives in two weeks so hopefully we'll hear a heart beat for the first time!

I wish I could give a more intellectually substantial post, but my brain is mush. Literally. I can barely hold a sentence/though in a conversation. Nik usually gets annoyed with me, poor chap.

On our way...

We're on our way to Calgary...anyone want some photos done? :)

It occurred to me after reading my last post that many, if not all of you may think that I'm a horrible mother. Don't worry, I'm not. Those were two incidences that just so happened to be within a week of each other. Most of the time it's just chill...really. Trust me, if these were things that happened all of the time why on earth would I be having a fourth??? On (or around) October 21st????

Yes, they're mine.

The last week and a half have been all about parental mistakes. The first of which came when Nik was away. My beautiful, joyous, full-of-life, just turned- three year old decided to make a rainshower in our house. He had turned on the faucet and plugged the sink. It was 11 pm. I was just about to turn in. But the rain came down...and it wasn't a drip drip type of rain, it was a sploosh-splat-splat kind. The splat splats lasted a while. When I got up there I noticed it wasn't JUST the water he got into. But my make up and decided to give his sleeping older brother a make over.

I wish I had a picture. I decided that teaching him that this was dangerous and not a laughable moment was better off. But, I SO wish I had pictures.

We have a pretty sound proof house, in my defense. Nik got home, all was well. It was not even a week later and we were sitting on the couch at about 10:30 when I heard a bump in the night. Nik decided to go check it out....two seconds later he squawks down, "Dane, you might want to come here" This time, I came equipped with a camera. I rounded the corner to find two very guilty little boys holding their toothpaste covered cheeks. Turns out that Carson remembered that water and make up were a no-no, but decided that ANYTHING else open-able was totally OK. So, they had squeezed out face cream, tooth paste, spilled perfume and toner, squirted shampoo, conditioner and dumped vitamins and liquid tylenol all over the floor, walls, their hair and clothes. Again, a dangerous situation. Nothing at all to laugh about.

As I was telling a friend about these 'incidences', she looks at me as if I'm brand new to the whole mothering thing and says, "why don't you put a baby monitor in their room?". Seriously, I didn't even think of that. Parental mistake...monumental...I guess I am new to this whole thing. It's only been 4 years. That's pretty new if you ask me.

You're the Best

These past few weeks have been hazy. I would love to have a reason to write, and though I know I do, I can't put my finger on anything. I sit down, open my page and get frustrated because I just don't know where to start.

But today, I want to give a tribute to my Nik.

He lets me sleep in every morning, even on his days off. Seriously ladies in the world, I know how big of a treat this is, and I hope I never take it for granted. He makes suppers when I've been too lazy to and dang good ones at that. He understands when I'm feeling, totally non-understandable. He loves me unconditionally. Because if conditions had anything to do with it, he wouldn't love me. Trust me, I can be hard. He's the best dad to our boys that I could ever ask for. I see the twinkle in his eye when Chip cries at 11, just as we've snuggled down for the night because it's *his* chance to sit with him in the rocking chair and just be together. He came home from work at lunch to bring me the stroller and decided to take the middle son back with him. How's that for husband of the year. Oh, but I'm not done. He's chalk FULL of integrity. I'm so blessed that my kids have the kind of man to look up to that they do. He's the most gentle and patient man I've ever known. And if I can count on one hand the amount of times he's actually been mad at me in the almost 8 years since we've been an item, I'd be surprised.

Now, I know that you all have wonderful husband too, so why not? Tell us all about them too! And for anyone who's still looking for that someone, why not write about what you're dreaming for? Love. It's March...and I'm full into spring fling.

A month?!

Well, I guess it's better than nothing.

I wish I would have heard of this sooner. But go here if you want to end the spread of the word. The derogatory word that has been used for harm and I fear that it has become a slang for way too many things.

I have an aunt who is 45. She functions at about the same age as a 3 year old. She was born completely healthy and had a polio vaccination when she was about 11 months old which went awry and left her almost completely brain dead. She's made some progress in her 40 + years. I have fond memories of playing with Auntie Lisa as a little girl. Her favourite thing is to put on makeup and colour. I know she used to like beading too. I haven't seen her in probably close to 10 years because she lives in a home and my grandparents can't have her as much as they used to. I do miss her though. I think of her often. In fact, any time this word is said, I think of her. She doesn't belong to this word...and this word doesn't belong to her.

So again, go to the link above if you want to pledge to rid this world of such a distasteful and crass word.

To catch a mouse *EDIT*

Twas the night before today and all through the house
The only creature that was stirring, was our pesky little mouse

....named, Fargo.

Fargo showed himself a few weeks ago, and made a little nest...which we vacuumed up. This sent us immediately to the store to buy some traps. My darling husband bought two kinds just to be sure. But, it seems as if Fargo has been around the block and knows what a trap looks like. We have the sticky stuff and the traditional mouse trap.

Well, last night I was sitting at the computer hearing Fargo in the ceiling above me (he goes from the ceiling to behind the walls and into a very warm spot under our banquette). He scurried down the back wall and then there was nothing. I figured he was bringing more insulation to his warm zone to make another nest. But then.....SNAP....SQUEAK! I immediately got out of my chair and, being the brave soul that I am, called for help from the hubs. However, I soon discovered that my manly man, isn't so manly when a dead mouse is involved (it's ok, dear). So, in the end I ended up looking for the trap which was turned over, but I could still hear Fargo making some noise. So I closed the little door to let him get all his post traumatic squirmies out. After about 2 minutes (I figured that was long enough) I opened it up again to find the trap in the same position but upon closer inspection I could see that their was no mouse.

I grabbed the closest (and least needed for future use) thing that I could find that would be useful as a club and started pushing things around (we use it for storage). And then for a brief second, I saw him. He was a streak of blackness that went as fast as any really fast thing. So, now I'm convinced that Fargo is actually a RAT and that he's hobbling around with a broken leg and might die in our walls and then start rotting and then....maggots. My biggest fear in the world....so sell house, sell!


*Nik came home for lunch and lo and behold, Fargo has been caught! If only we thought of peanut butter from the beginning*

It's in the butter.

I'm trying to maximize our grocery budget. We have 5 people and have budgeted 500/month on food. We have been averaging about 400-450, but I'm trying to whittle it down even less. I've been newly inspired by the grocery cart lady (on my side bar) who feeds her family of 6 for $60/week! She also lives in the US, so groceries are definitely cheaper, but none the less.

I think the key is to go to multiple stores and make your menus based on what is on sale. Shopper's Drug Mart carries the cheapest milk in town ($3.88 for 4 L (2%, we like it rich ;)))) But, everything else there is pretty expensive, so am I going to make a special stop just for milk? Is it going to be worth the extra gas for the $.50 I'll save? Maybe, seeing as we go through about 10 L/week. Which seems like a lot considering we only drink one glass per day (other than Chip, who also drinks homo). bla, milk. I love milk.

I'd also love some new recipes. I try to go to www.allrecipes.com and often try one or two, but everything seems to have exotic (aka expensive) ingredients.

Is it too late to drown?

Do weekends feel the same to you as they do to me? A new start?

This has been a week. A week that has followed a very dark week. I've learned that we will have bad weeks. Weeks that seem to swallow us whole. Weeks that eventually will spit you out into the next. The trick is to rise above the stench of the week that precedes the present week. They say bad things come in three's and last week that three was doubled.

And while the pain of last week seems unbearable to think about, I look at my blessings. My living, breathing children. Who are thriving and full of joy. My home that has running water that is so clean, I can actually drink straight from the tap. (seriously how many people in our world don't have clean water, even a mile away??) For my supportive husband who has tears in his eyes as he tells me how happy he is and who I can't imagine living without. And for my King, who has saved me. Me, an undeserving sloth.

So, with my eyes turned upward, I will look ahead, not behind...

EDIT

Go to this to help in a really cool way, of course you can always help by donating to whatever organization you already deal with. Compassion, world vision, Kiva. Thanks Ashleigh for the last one.

I also wanted to add that this is an orphanage in Haiti that needs help. I've heard of a family in Duncan whose three children are waiting for their visas. The Canadian government is matching any donations, dollar for dollar. You can evven pay with paypal, so it's super easy!